China Says ‘L’Eggo My Eggo’, & Other News

Michigan’s Department of Agriculture and Rural Development and Governor Rick Snyder – and, previously, Governor Jennifer Granholm –  have been begging China to buy more Michigan food products for years now, and it looks like China is finally caving in to our desperate pleas for money. Michigan-based Kellogg  struck a deal with Wilmar International to sell more Eggos, Pop-Tarts, and cereals in China, and it was recently reported that Michigan exported 150 tons of cherries to China this year, up from nothing five short years ago. Considering that Michigan is the fifth fattest state, we should continue sending over as much food to China as we can, if only to save the buttons of our pants from our bulging waistlines.

Part of the reason China is importing food from states like Michigan is because it’s viewed as safer – turns out the USDA is useful once in awhile.  And here I thought the USDA was nothing but a bunch of mad crusaders, hellbent on outlawing raw milk and making us eat genetically modified foods. In fact, they just cracked down on Kilwins’ sugar-free peanut butter fudge because some of the ingredients came from a factory in New Mexico that was contaminated with salmonella.

With the Big 3 dying, don’t they know that fudge is vital to Michigan’s economic future? We can’t have any bad publicity. We’re fudge packers. We pack fudge. It’s what they do in the upper peninsula when they’re not shoveling snow. C’mon. 

And finally, on a completely unrelated note, a woman that was caught collecting food stamps after winning a million dollars in the Michigan lottery was found dead, presumably from a drug overdose.

You have to wonder what role the lottery played in her eventual death.  It seems to wreak havoc on the lives of the winners, and drains the blood out of the losers like a ghoulish vampire. It’s a sick addiction, and perhaps it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the woman – Amanda Clayton – wasn’t the first person to try to continue collecting food stamps after winning the state lottery.  Leroy Fick takes that honor.

Man, what a world.

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